The Man Answer List
WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS
thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all
the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're
just misunderstood.
WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? Again, this is a testosterone
thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our
bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much
better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic
memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference.
Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as
much as we can.
WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC? We occasionally need
to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your
bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? We like to. It's actually a whole
lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too
if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? Well, we don't actually have to; we
do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's
missing in so much of the world nowadays. Farting is another fun thing for men!!
WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS? Do we look like women to you? Why is
it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed
to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing
some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we
have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure
out how I feel.
WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)? Please ... How many hours
do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the
hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men ... Men
hunters ... Need go roam ... Starve in cave ... Must go find wildebeest ...
Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other
story.
HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING? Men have very powerful
sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended
periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary
to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The
more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods
of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types
were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost
all modern men are born with this innate ability.
WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?" Men are taught from a tender
young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying
that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to
admit to one's own character faults.
WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME? Ho, Ho, Ho ...
Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your
pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? We just simply don't have the energy
to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the
answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save
the energy for other things.
WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Why should we? It doesn't really
bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? This usually only occurs after months
of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe
it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended
periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather.
We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours
and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err ... buying?
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