10 Bad Puns
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at them and says, "I'm sorry gentlemen, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became
a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it,
too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chessnuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
and that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8.These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small
florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men
of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged
the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
theroughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced
an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made
him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made
him....what? .... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.
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