Funny Sex
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that
money can buy." --Tom Clancy
"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." --Steve
Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately
doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." --Rodney Dangerfield
"There
are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly
in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." --Lynn Lavner
"Leaving
sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." --Matt
Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --Camille
Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight
are unimportant." --George Burns
"Women might be able to fake
orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." --Sharon Stone
"My
girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading." --Steve
Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling
me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might
forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
matter how bad it is." --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't
think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin
word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin
Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of
it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne
"Women
need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal
"According
to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front
of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women
are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." --Robert
De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?" --Dustin Hoffman
"There's very
little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing.
Just show me somebody naked.'" --Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting
married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." --Rod
Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams
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